Oh My God!
by call me baka again
Summary: The Ducklings are in for a surprise, implied slash.
1. Chapter 1

Oh My God!

The Ducklings are in for a surprise, implied slash.

Be nice this is my first ever fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I don't own House MD, If I did there'd be a lot more man love.

* * *

House was 4 hours late for work, hardly remarkable in itself as house was rarely on time. What was worrying was that Wilson was also absent.

In her office Cuddy had rounded up the ducklings, determined to get to the bottom of her two most prominent department heads absence. Usually she wouldn't bother looking for house,

he always turns up sooner or later. but today she had a case for him. Not to mention his seeming corruption of the boy wonder oncologist.

"House isn't answering his phone, I need you to find him. I don't care how high he is, how drunk or whatever hooker he's with. Just get him in here before the patient dies."

The ducklings all nod and begin to shuffle out.

"And find out what he's done with Wilson. The last thing this hospital needs is for its head of oncology to be found bound and gagged in a cupboard somewhere."

"Since when did my job description include baby-sitting house" said Forman, as he employed his amazing breaking and entering skills to Houses front door.

"Come on, it's not like we hadn't heard of his reputation when we applied." said Chase, running his fingers through his hair like he was in some kind of shampoo commercial.

"Seriously, you expected this." said Forman gesturing at the lock he was picking.

"Well maybe not quite this but we all knew he was eccentric."

"Eccentric, the man's insane!"

Cameron was peering worriedly through the windows "Do you think he's ok?" She said imagining him unconscious on the floor somewhere.

"Its Wilson I'm worried about, he's usually the sane one." said Forman with a click as the door opened. "lets get this over with." and strode into the apartment.

The other ducklings followed.

"House are you alright ,Cuddy was worried when you didn't turn up this morning." Cameron called into his silent apartment.

"Has anyone thought what he'll do to us if he finds us in his apartment." said Chase worriedly

"Come on whats the worst he can do." said Forman, Picking up and examining random items.

"Well for a start he make our lives a living hell."

No one noticed Wilson's tie draped over the back of the sofa.

Cameron opened House's bedroom door, thinking that he was probably still asleep and was just hung over or something.

"Oh My God." followed by a fan girl squeal.

she then took out her phone and clicked a photo to sent to Cuddy.

"Huh, what?" said a bemused Chase as he joined her in the doorway. "Crickey"

Forman just rolled his eyes in his usual 'why the hell am I involved in this' way.

Sprawled half naked on his bed was House, but he wasn't alone, currently he was using Wilson as a pillow and had an arm curled about his waist.

* * *

*In best announcer voice* Tune in next week for the next exiting instalment of Oh My God.

Unless you all hate it, then I won't bother.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh My God Chapter! 2

This isn't my first ever fanfiction but be nice anyway.

Disclaimer: I do not own House I have merely kidnapped him to do my perverted bidding. Mwahaha.

* * *

Wilson, ever a light sleeper woke with a start, at the sound of the camera phones pling.

"Wha..." Wilson flailed with surprise, more than slightly perturbed by the presence of gawping ducklings, some taking incriminating photos, he managed to fall off the bed dragging a

bemused House with him.

"Uhh uhh this isn't what it looks like!!" Yelled a still sleep fuddled Wilson.

Meanwhile House wiggled back into his position on Wilson's chest, albeit now on the floor.

"That's right we are in fact a hologram, set up to distract you, while the real us make our escape." said House while he nuzzled up against Wilson.

The ducklings for the most part were still staring open mouthed, in a state of mild shock, although Cameron looked like she might dissolve into fan girl giggles at any moment.

"So children are you gonna tell mommy, you caught daddy in bed with uncle."House said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Actually" said Forman in characteristic deadpan manner "Cameron just sent a photo of the two of you to Cuddy."

"Excellent" said House "saves any awkward coming out speeches."

"Yes because this isn't awkward at all." said Wilson rubbing the bridge of his nose in characteristic fashion "And could we do without the incest analogies for once."

"Never!" said House gesturing dramatically, well as dramatically as he could manage, when on the floor entangled in Wilson and blankets.

By this point Chase was awkwardly shifting from foot to foot "listen guys were sorry to bother you, but we've got a case, and Cuddy made us come look for you, when you didn't show up

this morning."

"Wait. I'm late?" said Wilson shifting to look at the alarm clock. "Greg! You turned off my alarm."

Wilson struggled to disentangle himself from House, who pouted.

"Didn't want to be woken by your prissy hair care routine" said House "besides" he said gesturing towards the awkwardly milling ducklings "this is much more fun."

"Unbelievable" said Wilson in a huff "I've got to get to work, I've missed 4 appointments already." And with that he stormed to the bathroom, to begin his prissy hair care routine.

House still on the floor, rubbed his misshapen thigh and reached for the ever present, specific brand pain reliever. He glanced at the duckling, who were clearly waiting for him to do

something, Forman disinterestedly.

"Hey! Cripple here, little help." He said raising an arm.

It was Chase, the soft hearted aussie, who helped him to his unsteady feet. House didn't look at him either to hide his gratitude or his embarrassment at needing help.

House limped towards the bathroom canelessly, the sound of running water could be heard in the back ground.

"Wilson!" yelled House whacking the bathroom door with his miraculously appeared cane "I need to pee!"

* * *

That's it folks. Please review, unless it's to criticise my appalling spelling, grammar and/or punctuation. I'm already well aware that I suck at it, there's no need to rub it in.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh My God! Chapter 3

Sorry hardcore Hilson fans, no mansex for you. Your gonna have to make do with insinuations and a bit of face sucking.

Disclamer: I own House MD and all characters. *Wakes up and cries*

* * *

After a disturbingly long time, House emerged from the bathroom with Wilson in tow.

Or at least he tried to. As he opened the door he collided his very own giggling fangirl Cameron, who was on her Knees and had had her ear pressed against the door.

Unfortunately (for her anyway I'm sure our favourite doctors would be quite relieved) she was giggleing so loudly, she was unable to hear any of the nasty noises she imagined were

coming from inside.

"Why Cameron what kinda girl do you take me for." Said house with fake coyness, in response to her face being unexpectedly pressed against his crotch.

"I don't usually put out till the second date. Just ask Wilson." He said gesturing to the oncologist, who merely rolled his eyes. Now he was fully awake he had regained his characteristic

straight face.

Totally overwhelmed by her proximity to her boss's privates Cameron passes out from excitement.

"What no coffee!" House yells indignantly at his two remaining conscious ducklings, while carefully stepping over Cameron accidentally jabbing his cane in her stomach. "Mush!" He said

pointing towards the kitchen, and was unanimously ignored. House pouted.

Chase had dragged Cameron to the sofa and was trying to revive her by flapping a newspaper in front of her face.

"Wiiiilson" House whined, giving his best puppy dog eyes.

"No." Said Wilson, not even turning from the mirror, as he tied his painfully bright tie.

"JIIIIMMMY"

"Not snowballs chance in hell. I'm late already."

"you don't believe in hell."

"..........."

"Fine I shall die of dehydration *chough chough dying noises*"

"Bye House." Says Wilson, who then leans in for a goodbye kiss.

at this moment by some miracle, the generally useless floppy haired doctors ministrations prove effective and Cameron regains consciousness. However the sight of the two doctors

making out proves too much for her fraught fangirl nerves and she promptly passes out.

"we're still here you know" said Forman, breaking up their little make out session.

Embarrassed Wilson breaks away and leaves for work looking slightly rumpled, with his shirt untucked and tie askew.

House glares at Forman "Party Pooper"

"Whatever."

"Now bring me coffee!" House demands fruitlessly.

* * *

I'm currently holding the plot bunny hostage, so loads more chapters if you're interested. What's that little plot bunny, you see pervey nurses and Cuddy's reaction in the near future. O.o


	4. Chapter 4

Oh My God! Chapter 4

Flamers will be shot, survivors will be shot again, and then mocked. And on that note here is a token appearance of FanGirl Cameron. (Look at the reviews, it'll make sense)

Cameron: "Look at the pretty Kitty!"

Disclaimer: I must stay at least 50ft away from Hugh Laurie at all times. *pouts*

* * *

"WILSON!" Yelled Cuddy, across the hospital foyer. Wilson raised his hands and cowered. His attempt to sneak into the hospital unseen had been thwarted already, and he was barely through the door.

"Congratulations. It's about time you two were outed. Where's House? " That's right Cuddy is in fact a secret yaoi fan.

"Huh?" that wasn't what Wilson had been expecting when Cuddy came bearing down on him (not like that, you pervs) and was momentarily disorientated. "Um... Thanks?" said Wilson looking confused, and still half cowered with his hands up.

"What are you doing?" Said Cuddy with a raised eyebrow.

Wilson straitened up and blushed slightly realising what he was doing. "Wait what do you mean 'about time'?" Wilson said thinking they had been very discreet about the whole thing

"Seriously, you thought no one knew? His office has glass walls for god's sake. Half the nursing staff's already been traumatised, the over half have to be warned away with threat of clinic duty." Said Cuddy exasperated by her friends dim wittedness.

Cuddy left to do some work, administrating not doctoring, she's not a real doctor. Leaving a very confused Wilson in her wake, thinking about all the sidelong glances the nursing staff had been giving him lately, not to mention the giggling that had been mysteriously following him.

* * *

That's your lot. Sorry it's so short but the plot bunny made a break for it when I wasn't looking.


	5. Chapter 5

Oh My God Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Seriously?

I really must apologise for this, I couldn't sleep and wrote it at 4am, so yeah sorry for inflicting this drivel on you.

* * *

House strode through the lobby in characteristic, I have just had an epiphany and left in the middle of a conversation, manner. Well as much as he can stride what with being limpy an all.

Wilson stared after him adoringly for a moment before remembering he had cute little balding cancer kids to attend too. He strode off slightly more successfully than house, but the background sniggering of nurses detracted from the effect somewhat.

Several hours later having successfully diagnosed and cured a case of *insert incredibly rare disease here*itus, House was bored and as we all know a bored House is a House you should stay the hell away from, if you wish to leave with sanity/self respect/eyebrows intact. Today he was unnerving passers by, flailing arms randomly and yelling nonsense. That is until Wilson told him to stop or rather until Wilson had told him Cuddy had threatened him with an eternity of clinic duty if she saw one more crying ten year old wailing about the nasty old man.

House pouted "I'm Bored"

Wilson ignored him despite being the one to have sought out the others company.

"Entertain me" House wined in his most purposefully annoying voice.

"Yes master, anything you say master." Said Wilson in poor imitation of Igor.

"Was that it?"

"Yep"

---Long silence---

"Wanna make out in the broom cupboard?" House asked hopefully.

Wilson made a show of considering this, followed by "No"

"Aww please" House wined with the same puppy dog eyes that Wilson had successfully avoided succumbing to that very morning.

"What the hell" with that the two strode off (kinda) into the sunset (well broom cupboard really).

* * *

Again sorry, I have no excuse for this shameful mutilation of character, I hang my head in shame.


End file.
